And since I hate nobody...

... I'm afraid of turning myself against me and killing me in this endless battle for survival...

I'll start with a confesion tonight. Or maybe today. The time is 07:30 and I haven't slept yet. I am suffering from insomnia these days. My tortured mind and my shattered soul don't let me sleep. And that's not the worse part.

The worse part is that I remember... I remember... I remember all those winters that passed. I remember twenty two winters, and that is my twenty second spring, living in this rotten world. Living into rot. Rotting with the world...

I remember, being a child. I remember growing up. I remember everything. I haven't forgotten no one. Believe me. Even if it seems that I have forgotten you, even if you thing that I don't care, for that is what I want to show, that's how I want to look, I haven't. No worries. I am still here. I might not know for how long, but I am still here.

Still alive. Still awake. With my fortified wings, hovering... Hovering here, waiting to leave for another world. Another dimension. Maybe because I am sick and tired of this place. This infested hole. With millions of people, ignorant. People that don't want to live, don't want to feel, don't want to feel pain, to feel joy, happiness, everything good in this world. People who are haters, are abusers, are simply stupid.

Hatred. For your sins may be forgiven but they won't be forgotten. Cierra tus ojos. Duérmete. Close your eyes. Sleep.

I am not a saint. I don't claim so nor I had any intention to do so. But I can definately tell that I am far better than most of you. Than people that hate, for my hatred is not towards those who beat me up, those who hurt me, those who messed up with me. I hate those who hate. And I love those who love.

I know I mustn't do so. But I cant help it. I see people, fucking up with other people. And they don't give a shit. You cant understand. Some things are just so easy to be seen, yet only a few of us see them.

It's not my time yet. That's for sure. I have at least 28 days. Maybe I wont be here, 28 days later. Or maybe 28 months later. Or maybe I'll just stay here, suffering for all eternity. Blending with the very persons I love and I am still here for.

Patience is a virtue. And mine is running out. I've got some little patience to spend. After this I won't be able to turn back. I am shattered, the only things that remains in a good standing on me are my wings. My fortified wings. Those wings that served me for twenty two years now. And will continue to serve me. Hovering in this world. Seeing, feeling, touching, hearing, smelling... Diving into love. Reflecting hate. Banishing my own demons, and getting psychotic in the process.

I am indeed, living in a world of demons. My own world of demons. Created by many, and by me for I am too stupid, I've run away from them in the past and I'm always meeting them again. And again, and again. Each time I turn my back to something, I don't know how, it always comes back to haunt me. I've lost many years, doing this. Now I've got to fight. Fight for my soul....

I've got my little star now. My very own tiny little snowflake. Who's supporting me, no matter if she wants to stay far away from me for the time being. I think she loves me. And if she doesn't, it doesn't matter. I'll be alone once more. I am used to loneliness... Alone with me. Alone in me...

I don't know why I'm psychotic today. Why I feel psychotic the last few days. I am bored of everything. I am tired of everything. I am tired of anyone and everyone. I am alone. And the worse? I have to cope with that. To be strong, so that others around me will be strong too. To help and support them.

Sincerely. I don't know if and where will this end. I don't know for how long I can be patient, I don't know for how long I'll be staying here, helping others, and refusing help. I don't know if I'll survive. But ultimately, the game is mine. I've been betrayed so many times. But I am not the best person alive. I've betrayed. I have turned people down. I have sinned. And I'm paying the price for my sins, a little bit higher that it should be, but who I am to judge?

I can't calm down. I can't sleep. I can't see beyond your foolishness and selfishness. May He be with you. For He is the ultimate judge. And He is the one keeping me alive for the last twenty two years. I don't know why. And when and if I meet Him, I just hope He'll have a good excuse... Or maybe I'll understand why...

Now, I'd like some silence...

Sifu V.E.R.S.U.S. - Χρόνος Doppelganger

Ήταν το χέρι του παππού μου, ύστατης δύναμης σύμβουλο,
Ήταν ο λόγος του ακριβής, σαν ρυθμισμένο όπλο ευθύβολο,
Είχα σύμβουλο τη μάνα μου σε κάθε πρόβλημα,
Έκανα ανώδυνα τα επώδυνα, αξίζει χειροκρότημα,
Είχα πρότυπα, όλα σε ένα, στη μορφή του πατέρα,
Όσο κι άν ήθελε να στέκεται δύο βήματα πιο πέρα,
Ήταν η μέρα που η αδερφή μου χαμογέλασε πρώτη φορά,
Που ένιωσα τη χαρά και τέτοια αγάπης προσφορά,
Έιχα κοντά μου μια ηρωίδα πανώ απο άγχος ξενυχτούσα
Στον πόνο τα δυό χέρια της γιαγιάς μου κρατούσα,
Κατηγορούσα τον εαυτό μου, καθε λάθος μου για δέκα,
μόνος μου φίλος τότε, ο εχθρός μου, Bobby Dega...

In another heartbeat....

...i'll be quick, short and psychotic.

In another heartbeat, I'll smash your dreams, I'll play with your mind and trick everything to stay alive. You see, things never change, some of us live just for the fun of it while others do take life seriously.

Taking life for granded, and seeing only the funny side of it will lead you not to the dark side of the force, as a good jedi master would definately say now, but will take any meaning away. Having good times with friends, family and stuff means nothing. For when those good times go away you'll stay alive, suffering in memories, wishing that you never lived some of these things.

In another skipped heartbeat, i'll be rough, harsh and obsessive.

I'll make you listen, no matter what to see my own version of reality. 'Cause today might not be snowy but only I can see the snowflakes around. As I say some times, I am trapped in my own world of demons. They are everywhere around me.

In another heartbeat I'll haunt your dreams.

As you undoubtely are the main cause I've lost my sleep and will for life. Since you are the main cause I dived in this state of depression. And because you are the only person I still live to wait for.

In another heartbeat you'll listen to my breath.

Not because I want to. But because I can. Being capable of some extraordinary mind tricks, I must say that some things require a good amound of thinking capability to understand what is beneath this text, what is under the words and what I am saying. It requires something more of your pathetic excuses and your tiny spare time to understand what you've done. It requires the strength of your soul, combined with your willingness to comprehend. You don't want to give any of these. No worries. I'll be around. At least for some more time...

In another heartbeat, I won't be here suffering eternally...

In the house - In a heartbeatx

I can hear your soul whispering,
I can hear my soul screaming,
I can hear my heart listening,
I can hear your heart beating,

We are lost in this heartbeat
We are lost in this heartbeat

Things are never gonna be the same
Moments will never come again
You will never feel my pain
I will never love again

We are lost in this heartbeat
We are lost in this heartbeat
We are lost in this heartbeat
We are lost in this heartbeat

I remember being home alone
You got my hand and I was reborn
Now all's lost in this heartbeat
All I hear is your heartbeat

Loneliness is all that's left for me
My heart broke, it's my mistake indeed
All was lost in that heartbeat
And I still can hear your heartbeat

We are lost in this heartbeat
We are lost in this heartbeat
I can still hear your heart beat
You can still hear my heart beat

Prelude

I feel like an aerialist these days. Alone. Practicising my usual stuff, trying to be ready for my next performance. I get up, climb the ladder and suddenly I am fifteen meters above the ground, with only a rope. A rope that I have to cross, that's my magic trick.

Well, I am ready, the crowd staring at me, they are quiet. A deadly silence falls and I begin to walk. Slowly, carefully, chosing my each step. Sometimes that it seems that I might fall, they do a loud "Oooh", and I continue till I reach the other side, bow to them and leave the stage. That's my usual daily stuff.

But when I go to sleep, I feel that loneliness. I feel that all of them who stare at me, who speak about me, who scream when I tend to fall during my dangerous trick, do not care about me.

The arealist you see is alone. Nobody wants to make company to someone that might die one day, just because he performed his job. Nobody wants to make company to someone that does crazy shit. And those who do, do not really care about him. A simple hello and that's all.

And when the aerialist dies, nobody will go to his funeral, nobody will cry for him and nobody will care. They will just stare, scream and clap for the next aerialist that will do his tricks on stage, risking his life to do what he knows to do the best. Dance in the air. Free but alone...

Η Ελλάδα καίγεται...

Μήπως τα γεγονότα των τελευταίων ημερών είναι προβοκάτσια, και έχουν σχεδιαστεί καλά από κάποιους για να συγκαλύψουν τα γεγονότα των τελευταίων 2 περίπου ετών;

Τώρα, ακούω τον "Γιωργάκη" να μιλάει εμμέσως πλην σαφώς για παραίτηση της κυβέρνησης και διεξαγωγή εκλογών, για να "αποφασίσει ο λάος" (ως συνήθως)...

Εδώ ο κόσμος καίγεται, και το πολιτικό παιχνίδι συνεχίζεται... Ποιά κυβέρνηση, ποιά κομματα, ποιος λαός; Εθελοτυφλούμε τοσα χρόνια αλλά ο κόμπος έφτασε στο χτένι. Δεν μπορεί ο Έλληνας να κάνει αλλη υπομονή. Δεν γίνεται...

Ας ξεκινήσουμε απο τα χθεσινά γεγονότα. Στην Λάρισα λοιπόν είχε προγραματιστεί πορεία διαμαρτυρίας για το θάνατο του Αλέξη στις 6 το απόγευμα, χθές, Δευτέρα. Οι Γνωστοί-Άγνωστοι, "τα σπαμε ολα", και ξεκίνησαν να καίνε και να λεηλατούν. Χτυπησαν κυρίως τράπεζες, στο κεντρο της πολης εχουν μεινει 3-4 μονο, ελάχιστα μαγαζια και συνεπλάκησαν και με τα ΜΑΤ λιγο.

Στη συνέχεια αρχισαν να καίνε το κέντρο. Αυτή ήταν η εικόνα της κεντρικής πλατείας στις 12 το μεσημέρι σημερα, που περασα. Γυαλιά, κομμάτια απο πέτρες, καμμένοι κάδοι να έχουν κολλήσει στην άσφαλτο, οσους αστυνομικούς δεν είδαμε χθες τους βλέπουμε σήμερα, ο κόσμος συζητάει τα χθεσινα, την Λαρισα κάτω απο πολιορκία, γεγονότα τα οποία συνήθως συμβαίνουν στο Αλκαζάρ μετα απο μια ποδοσφαιρική αναμέτρηση.

Φήμες θέλουνε να έχουν έρθει στη λάρισα περι τα 1500 με 2000 άτομα για να σπάσουν, να κάψουν και να λεηλατήσουν την πόλη, η τοπική εφημερίδα αναφέρει περι τα 200 με 250 άτομα που σπάσανε κυριολεκτικά τα πάντα. Αφου σπάσαν την κεντρική πλατεία της πόλης και τις γύρω τράπεζες (απ' οτι ειδαμε σήμερα οι γνωστοί-άγνωστοι, βανδάλισαν και το δημαρχείο της πόλης, και την λέσχη αξιωματικών), ξεκίνησαν να καινέ προς τα κάτω.


Αυτή ήταν η εικόνα της πόλης σε πολλά σημεία χθες. Φωτιες σε καδους, σκουπίδια και τράπεζες, σπασμένα γυαλιά παντου, πετρες, ξυλα, και βία. Συνθήματα στους τοίχους.

Οι γνωστοί-άγνωστοι κατέβηκαν προς το σιδηροδρομικό σταθμό και σπάσαν ακόμα τρείς τράπεζες εκει, μαζεύτικαν στο παρκάκι για να ξανανεβούν προς το κέντρο της πόλης.

Εμείς καθόμασταν και πίναμε καφέ εκεινη την ώρα και βλέπαμε τα γεγονότα που διαδραματιζονταν και σε αυτό το σημείο θελω να τονισω οτι η παραπληροφόρηση έφτασε στο απόγειο της (εκτός αν πρόλαβαν τα Goody's και βάλαν καιρουρια βιτρίνα), καθώς ακούστηκε οτι τα σπασαν και αυτά.

Αφού καταφέραμε και γλυτώσαμε τα δακρυγόνα και τις πέτρες χθες το βράδυ πάλι καλα. Και για να μήν πέσουμε σε καμια συμπλοκή καναμε ολόκληρο γύρω και απο δρόμους που δεν είχαν τράπεζες και δεν ήταν κοντά στο Α.Τ.

Η λάρισα χθές βραδυ μυριζε καμμένο πλαστικό, σκουπίδια, και δακρυγόνο, ενώ παντού άκουγες σειρήνες συναγερμών απο τράπεζες, πυροσβεστικά και αστυνομικά οχήματα. Γιατί ομως;

Αυτό ειναι αποτέλεσμα της γενικότερης κρίσης που περνάμε τα τελευταία χρόνια. Και κυρίως της οικονομικής. Η δολοφονία του μικρου Αλέξανδρου ήταν το κερασάκι στην τουρτα, ηταν το φυτίλι που άναψε και πυροδότησε αυτή την αντίδραση των κουκουλοφόρων.

Εδώ και χρόνια η οικονομία μας πάει απο το κακό στο χειρότερο και ενώ εμείς, ο ελληνικός λαός ως επι το πλείστον πεινάει, γνωρίζοντας οτι περίπου το 20% των ελληνικών νοικοκυριών ζει στο όριο της φτώχειας και δέν μπορεί να ανταπεξέλθει στις υποχρεώσεις του, κοβει απο δώ και απο κεί για να τα φερει πέρα, καποιοι τα 'κονομάνε χοντρά, βλέπουμε τη διαφθορά στην πολιτική, στην εκκλησία και την αστυνομία.

Ακούω τώρα στις ειδήσεις οτι αστυνομικοί λέει, χτυπήσαν μαθητές. Εντάξει, χθες στην λάρισα δεν βαρέσαν κανένα δηλαδή; Είδαμε την ασφάλεια να κάνει προσαγωγές κοντά στο αστυνομικό τμήμα, και ήταν τρομερό το θέαμα να τους μαζεύουν και μερικοί απο αυτους να χτυπάνε τους νεαρούς και οι συνάδελφοί τους να τους σμπρώχνουν. Σε ποιόν να δώσεις δικιο;

Σε κάθε περίπτωση, και εκφέρω προσωπική γνωμη καλα κάνουν και τους βαράνε, δεν είναι δυνατό να μην μπορούμε να πάμε σπίτι μας, να μην μπορούμε να βγουμε έξω απο την μυρωδιά των καμμένων και των δακρυγόνων. Ενα φιλαράκι μου χθές που ερχόταν για να πιούμε καφε, επεσε στο μάτι του κυκλώνα την ώρα που φέυγαν προς τα πίσω οι τραμπούκοι, και εφαγε ένα δακρυγόνο, ηρθε στην καφετέρια που καθόμασταν με την κοπέλα του κλαίγαν και δεν μπορούσαν να πάρουν ανάσα απο τις αναθυμιάσεις.

Απο την άλλη, τοσα χρόνια, μας μάθαν να παλεύουμε για αυτα που πιστεύουμε. Πιστεύω οτι μερικοί απο μας έχουμε ακόμα ιδανικά και προσπαθούμε να δουλέψουμε για να καταφέρουμε αυτά που θέλουμε, για να πάρουμε αυτά που μας ανηκουν. Οταν ομως, ημαστε σε μια ευροζώνη οπου οι μισθοί δεν είναι ίδιοι, οπου η ανεργία μαστιζει, οπου δεν υπαρχει παιδια, οπου για να ζησεις αξιοπρεπώς πρεπει να κλέψεις, σε μια Ε.Ε. που δεν νοιάζεται για μας, πρεπει να κανουμε κατι.

Οχι να σπαμε τις τράπεζες και τα μαγαζια, είτε είναι πολυεθνικες, ειτε μαγαζια μικρομεσαίων, οχι να καίμε τους κάδους και να πετάμε πέτρες στα ΜΑΤ, οχι να είμαστε η αιτία για να γεμίσει η ατμόσφαιρά μας, ο αέρας που αναπνέουμε με χημικα και οσμή καμμένων πλαστικών και σκουπιδιών.

Απο την άλλη σκέφτομαι, ισως και να είναι προβοκάτσια για να ξεχαστούν τα σκάνδαλα που μαστίζουν την κυβέρνηση απο την επανεκλογή της το 2007. Κάπως έπρεπε να ξεσπάσει αυτή η κατάσταση γιατί ο λαός δεν αντέχει αλλο αυτή τη μιζέρια, αυτη την κατάσταση.

Δεν είναι μόνο η αστυνομικη βία και κακά τα ψέματα, δεν ειναι ολοι οι αστυνομικοί έτσι. Επειδή ένας, πυροβόλησε και σκότωσε εν ψυχρώ ισως ένα παιδί, δεν σημαίνει οτι όλοι ειναι έτσι.

Επειδή ενας παπα-εφραίμ (και το εχω δηλώσει, αν ο Εφραίμ μπεί στο χρηματιστήριο, θα πάρω μετοχές), εκανε απάτες, και το "φιλανθρωπικό του έργο" ηταν να αγοράζει κτήματα για να μεγαλώσει την ήδη αμύθυτη εκκλησιαστική περιουσία, δεν ειναι ολοι οι κληρικοί ετσι.

Επειδή υπάρχει διαφθορα στην πολιτική, δεν σημαίνει οτι όλοι οι πολιτικοί τα παίρνουν για να κανουν συμφωνίες.

Δεν μπορούμε να τα βάλουμε όλα στο ίδιο καζάνι, και να πουμε, ενας μπάτσος πυροβόλησε, ολοι ειναι δολοφόνοι.

Και επειδή εμείς είμαστε καλύτεροι άνθρωποι, νομίζουν οτι θα συνεχίζουμε να ζουμε μες τη μιζέρια, μες τη φτώχια, και την καταπίεση. Μεσα στο καθημερινό άγχος για το άν θα έχουμε τσιγάρα αυριο ή θα κανουμε τράκα από κανέναν άλλο καρμίρη σαν εμας.

Ενας στους πεντε έλληνες ζεί κατω απο το όριο της φτώχιας. Και μερικοί συνεχιζουν να τα σπάνε, χωρις να σέβονται κανεναν και τίποτα, χωρίς να σέβονται τον κοσμάκη που προσπαθει να ζησει, χωρις να σέβονται το οτι αυριο-μεθαύριο οι υπάλληλοι των σπασμένων μαγαζιών μπορει να μεινουν άνεργοι.

Ομως ένα γεγονώς δέν αλλάζει. Ο νεκρός, Αλέξανδρος, είναι μάρτυρας, οπώς ηταν τα παιδιά που σκοτώθηκαν στο Πολυτεχνείο, το Ματωμένο Νοέμβρη του 1973, είναι μάρτυρας της γενιάς μας. Ένας ήρωας του Δεκέμβρη του 2008.

"Όταν σφίγγουν το χέρι
ο ήλιος είναι βέβαιος για τον κόσμο

Όταν χαμογελάνε
ένα μικρό χελιδόνι
φευγει μεσα απ' τα άγρια γενια τους

Όταν σκοτώνονται, όταν σκοτώνονται
η ζωή τραβάει την ανηφόρα,
με σημαίες, με σημαίες,
με σημαίες, και με ταμπούρλα..."

Αιωνία σου η μνήμη φίλε Αλέξανδρε, και ας ελπίσουμε οτι ο θάνατός σου δεν θα μείνει ατιμώρητος και δεν ήταν μάταιος...

Θάνατος

Είμαστε γενικότερα συγκλονισμένοι, με το θάνατο του δεκαπεντάχρονου πιτσιρικά απο σφαίρα, άκουσων ακουσων, ειδικού φρουρού. Δηλαδη, 'νταξει μωρε, δε γουστάρω τη φάτσα σου, βγάζω το όπλο και καληνυχτα...

Αν είναι ποτέ δυνατόν! Αυτή είναι η ΕΛΛΗΝΙΚΗ ΔΗΜΟΚΡΑΤΙΑ και η ΕΛΛΗΝΙΚΗ ΚΟΙΝΩΝΙΑ;;; Να βγώ και γώ με κανα δίκανο έξω δηλαδή και να αρχίζω να θερίζω; Να σφαζόμαστε μονοι μας και μεταξύ μας; Άντε παιδιά βάλτε cd με το "Όταν σφίγγουν το χέρι" και όλοι στους δρόμους...

Αυτό πάει για τους ψευτόαναρχικους, (βλ. τραμπουκους) και λοιπούς γνωστούς αγνώστους που βγήκαν έξω και σπάσαν κυριολεκτικά τα πάντα! Τα πάντα ομως. Δηλαδή πώς την έχουμε δει; Σκοτώσανε τον πιτσιρικα οι μπάτσοι, ας βγούμε να σπασουμε τις βιτρίνες των μαγαζιών του κοσμάκη, ας πετάξουμε πετρες, μολοτοφ και να παίζουμε και λιγο ξύλο με τα ΜΑΤ. ΟΥΓΚ!

Οι περισσότερες πόλεις της ρημαδοχώρας αυτής, χθές, κυριακή ήταν πεδία μάχης. Και αυτό γιατι κάποιος πραγματικά ηλίθιος, πυροβολησε, και σκότωσε ενα παιδι μολις 15 ετών ο οποιος οσο απειλή και άν ηταν για τον αστυνομικο, δεν είχε ΚΑΝΕΝΑ ΑΠΟΛΥΤΩΣ ΔΙΚΑΙΩΜΑ ΝΑ ΤΟΥ ΑΦΑΙΡΕΣΕΙ ΤΗΝ ΖΩΗ! Ακόμα και όπλο να είχε ο πιτσιρικας, δεν επρεπε να τον πυροβολήσει ΑΠΟ ΤΟ ΕΝΑΜΙΣΙ ΜΕΤΡΟ!

Γράφω και θυμάμαι... πριν χρόνια... πιτσιρικάς και εγω, πολυ πιτσιρικάς τοτε. Βλέπανε οι δικοί μου ειδισεις, παρακολουθουσα και εγώ χωρίς να καταλαβαίνω πολλα.

Το 1992 ήτανε, αν δεν κάνω λάθος. Όταν από μια επίθεση μιας τρομοκρατικής οργάνωσης τραυματίστηκε θανάσιμα και αργότερα υπέκυψε ένα παλικαρι. Αν θυμάμαι τα γεγονότα καλά από τοτε (16 χρόνια πριν), σε μία επίθεση της 17 Νοέμβρη χτυπήθηκε (αυτά ειναι τα τυχαία θυματα...) ένα παλικάρι, και από εκεί και πέρα οι γνώμες διείστανται, οι μεν τρομοκράτες καταγγέλουν την αστυνομία και το Ε.Σ.Υ. για αργοπορία γιατι λένε, έμεινε να αιμοραγεί για πάνω απο μιση ώρα, τον παράτησαν, υπάρχει συγκάλυψη για να τους φορτώσουν ακομα ενα θύμα και τα λοιπά....

Μερικά χρόνια μετα, παλι αστυνομικός πυροβόλησε και σκότωσε ενα νεαρο... Πορείες, διαμαρτυρίες, οι αναρχικοί τα σπάνε...

Παλαιότερα τα σπαγανε συχνότερα οι "αναρχικοί". Γινόταν κατι απλό, βγαιναν και τα σπαγαν, καναν πορεία τα παιδια για το εκπαιδευτικό, βγαιναν και τα σπαγαν. Καναν πορεία τα γερόντια για τις συντάξεις, ο ναι βγαιναν και τα σπαγαν.

Προχθες, δεν περιμενα να βγουν και να τα σπασουν, περιμενα να καψουν ολη την πολη. Γιατι και αυτός ειναι ένας τρόπος διαμαρτυρίας ενάντια στην ίδια την κοινωνία που αυτοπεριορίζεται απο τις επιλογές της. Γιατί μας χωσαν στο EURO και διέλυσαν μια οικονομία που δεν είχε προλάβει να μαθει ο κόσμος.

Αν είναι ποτε δυνατον. Ιανουάριος 2002, λαική τεταρτης, μολις 2-3 μερες μετα την επίσημη κυκλοφορία του ευρώ στην χωρα. Πολλοί απατεώνες, γιατι κυριολεκτικά ήταν απατεώνες, καναν το εξής. ΠΟΡΤΟΚΑΛΙΑ ΑΠΟ 100 ΔΡΧ -> 1 EURO. Η ισοτιμία δεν ειναι 1 ευρώ = 100 δραχμές, ειναι 1 ευρώ = 340,75 δραχμές. Καθαρή απάτη. Αισχος.

Αλλα ποιος ήτανε εκεί να τους μαζεψει τους απατεώνες; ΚΑΝΕΝΑΣ

Στρογγυλοποιήση προς τα πάνω; ΟΛΟΙ

Και οι τσιχλες απο 10 με 20 δραχμές το 2001, κοστιζουν 5 με 10 ευρωλεπτά το 2002. Και οχι σε ενα μεγαλο χρονικό διάστημα. 31-12-2001 οι τσιχλες σε δραχμες, 1-1-2002 οι τσίχλες σε ευρώ.

Η απάτη σε όλο της το μεγαλείο και η αρχή του τέλους για την ελληνική οικονομία (και οπως φαίνεται για την παγκόσμια).

Ο θάνατος ειναι μαζικός, αυτό πρεπει να καταλάβουμε. Προχθές σάββατο στα εξάρχεια δεν πέθανε απλά ενας απο εμάς. Πεθαναν τα όνειρα του, πεθανε η συνειδηση του, πέθανε η πίστη μας στην αστυνομία για άλλη μια φορά, και στο αθάνατο ελληνικο κράτος συγκάλυψης (και ας ελπίσουμε οτι αυτή την φορα, εν ετη 2008, δεν θα υπάρξει συγκάληψη).

Αντί ομως τα παλικάρια μας να παν να σπάσουν αυτα που πρεπει, παν και σπάνε τα μαγαζιά του κοσμάκη. Αυτή ειναι η μαγκιά; Να πας να σπάς τις βιτρίνες των μικρομεσαίων; Να πας να σπάς τις τράπεζες, να πάς να σπάς τους καδους και να τους καις, και γενικότερα να πας και να καταστρέφεις.

ΑΠΟ ΠΟΥ ΝΟΜΙΖΕΙΣ ΘΑ ΤΑ ΠΑΡΟΥΝ ΤΑ ΛΕΦΤΑ ΓΙΑ ΤΙΣ ΑΠΟΖΗΜΙΩΣΕΙΣ (ΑΝ ΔΩΘΟΥΝ); ΑΠΟ ΤΟΝ ΕΦΡΑΙΜ; ΑΠΟ ΤΟ ΒΑΤΟΠΕΔΙ; ΑΠΟ ΤΟΥΣ ΔΙΑΠΛΕΚΟΜΕΝΟΥΣ;

ΟΧΙ ΑΠΟ ΤΟΝ ΚΛΑΣΣΙΚΟ ΜΑΛΑΚΑ ΕΛΛΗΝΑ ΠΟΛΙΤΗ ΠΟΥ ΤΟΥ ΡΟΥΦΑΝ ΤΟ ΑΙΜΑ ΤΟΣΑ ΧΡΟΝΙΑ!!!

Για να μην μπερδευόμαστε, και εγώ έχω κατέβει σε πορείες κυριώς για το εκπαιδευτικό, και εγώ έχω διαδηλώσει και έχω κλείσει δρόμους με κάδους, γιατι είχαμε πραγματικά αιτήματα, γιατι βλέπαμε το αβέβαιο αύριο για μας, γιατι ξέραμε οτι απο τα ενιαία λυκεια θα καταντησουμε να ήμαστε η γενιά των εξακοσίων ευρώ, να είναι καλά μας δώσαν αύξηση και γίναμε η γενιά των εφτακοσίων.

Αυτός ειναι ο θάνατος. Ο θάνατος του πολίτη που έχει μυαλό και στα 15 του και στα 25 του και στα 35 του. Ο θάνατος μιας κοινωνίας που πλέον βγάζει παιδιά-ζόμπι και τα ξεθεώνει μέχρι τα 18 τους στο ανούσιο διάβασμα για να μπουν σε μια σχολή και να μήν είναι η μάζα των εφτακοσίων. Το "πήγαινε σπόυδασε παιδί μου, για να μην γίνεις σκουπιδιάρης" των γονιών, και οφείλω να ομολογήσω οτι οι χειριστές των αποριμματοφόρων και οι υπάλληλοι του δήμου που κυριολεκτικά κανουν ότι μπορουν για να μας απαλλάξουν απο τα σκουπίδια κάθε μέρα, είναι δημόσιοι υπάλληλοι, αμοίβονται κανονικά οταν θέλει το κράτος, και πάνω απ' όλα δεν παίρνουν 600 ευρώ.

Ο θάνατος της πίστης στην εκκλησία γιατι όταν υπάρχουν Εφραίμ που πλουτίζουν εις βάρος οποιουδήποτε, χωρις να δίνουν κατι απο την αμύθητη εκκλησιαστική περιουσία εν μέσω οικονομικής κρίσης δίχνει στον λαό την κοροιδία ακόμα και απ την ίδια την εκκλησία.

Ο θάνατος της πίστης στην δικαιοσύνη, για τους προαναφερθείς λόγους, για τα πολλα περιστατικά διαπλοκής, με πληρωμένους δικαστες, με αστυνομικους που τραυμάτισαν και σκότωσαν παιδια, και για την διαπλοκή που τους περιβαλλει.

Ο θάνατος της πίστης στο σοσιαλιστικό κρατος και το κρατος δικαίου. Ποιό κράτος; Ας γελάσω, τα βλεπουμε κάθε μερα και δεν κανουμε τιποτα.

Όταν συνειδητοποιήσουμε τι μας συμβαίνει, όταν καταλάβουμε ποιοι είναι εχθροί και ποιοί φιλοι θα ειναι αργα. Τουλάχιστον ας παλέψουμε όλη μαζι ενάντια στο άδικο και στο παράνομο και ας μην "σπάμε" ο ένας το μαγαζί του άλλου...

They stole my mind...

... and took away my music. That's it. I'm going to the cathedral...

Featuring, a conceptual piece which requires a lot of work to be as good as I'd like to, but due to time constraints I don't have the necessary time to complete it now. You can listen to the requiem (and Ocarina Overture) on myspace at MySpace

Human Relations Part (what was it again? Ah right, PART FIVE!)

I'd like to quote an Archive song here:

"There's a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Though we won’t ever meet I remember your name

Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I think of a nice thing to say
But I don't think I can so fuck you anyway"

Literally, FUCK YOU. Fuck you for the infinite times you set me up, fuck you for the infinite times you lied to me, fuck you for the infitite times you fooled me.

Fuck you generally cause I'm not in a good mood today, and because I cant find a nice thing to say, fuck you anyway.

- Icy's out, fucku! (she knows who she is)

P.S. The song rules!

In pain...

I hate these days. Seriously. I hate the days when I wake up and am in pain. I hate those damned days when I wake up and blame me for everything. I hate it. I hate it.

I dont know if you have ever felt that fucking pain, going from the center of your chest even to your nails. That current, flowing throughout you, that thing that dictates you to look for salvation. To look for a way out. To look for protection. Anything that can protect you, anything at all.

I am awake for 48 hours straight now, I am tired, but I cant sleep. I am afraid of that pain. I know that when I wake up tommorow I'll be in the same shitty condition. And you know what? Its not my fault.

Its not my fault that life screwed me up. My fauts are my mistakes, but fortunately enough in life there is a simple principle. If you dont make mistakes you wont learn and if you dont fail you wont find a way to succeed.

So here I am. Unable to walk, cause I havent figure out how to do so. Unable to speak for the same reason. Unable to hear. To see. I can only feel

And that feelings are those which are killing my every bit. My entire existence, piece by piece, until there's no more to destory.

Hurt youself to get out of this or hurt those who did this to you? I'll leave you answer this.

Screw you bitch. Simply. Silently. And hopefully next time we meet, you won't fuck me this bad. Bye Bye Life, you wont be missed

Uniqueness

Which is my favorite. We are all unique, but then again we are all alike. How can somebody blend happiness with sorrow and light with darkness? I know. Its possible.

Sometimes there is a splinter of sorrow in our happines just as we can distinguish a spark of light in a the darkness. Like objects looking as if they have no volume only lines in the horizon of a dark picture, its as simple as this. The fission of emotions into a unique world of infinite thoughts and expressions.

It is us that define what is real and what's not, simply us. It's us that see beyond this world's reality. After all its in our minds and in our souls. Its in our fantasy and in our very unique point of view. Complexity is not necessarily a good thing and simplicity is always a bad consultant.

Farewell, you won't be missed. And in case you didn't understood (which is the most likely one) my ultimatum is over some time now. You had your chance, and you missed it. What happnens from now and on is practically in your hands. But you'll see another aspect of me.

Good night world, I hope I see ya tommorow.

From dusk till dawn.

icydemon@lethality:~$ su root
Password:
lethality:/home/icydemon# shutdown -hP now.

...Its dawn already. It seems, my mind's travelling troughout variables and large logical structures. Trying to create inevitability

Shutdown for now and some sleep. its needed I think.

SYSTEM IS GOING DOWN FOR SHUTDOWN NOW!

JMPL FFFF0000h

Compile Error

This tiny little piece of code is screwing with my mind for some days now. Unfortunately I cant fix it. And from my nature I dont accept help easily. I dont know what to do. I dont know. And that damn compile error keeps being in my damn terminal screen...

I've got to solve it. I've got to find the cure. The code that will pass correctly through the compiler and execute on the machine flawlessly. The design is perfect. The implementation lacks skill.

Farewell.

P.S. The ultimatum hasn't expired yet. But since its issue I see a great change and I feel a great disturbance in the force. I await your answer. Dont wait for it to expire. The results of such an action of arrogance will be catastophic.

I Dont know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is gonna end....

Good night. You'll gonna need it

Icydemon's Ultimatum

Yeap, thats right. Bleed out of your eyes. Some crazy fucker told you the truth.

I am glad that things are coming to an end for both of us. I'll walk my path. You'll walk yours. And everyone's happy.

You'll wish...

Oh now, don't start the crap now. I am IMMUNE. You cant entangle me in your web. You are like the spider. Waiting for her pray and then eat it. Unfortunately you got served this time. I am watching your every move. Your every step. Your every single action. And I wait for the very moment you'll turn against me. And on that very single moments you'll understand that the roles were reversed a long time ago. I am the hunter and you are the pray.

(last smoke for today, i got to sleep). You see my eyes do not deceive me. You failed to see my defiance to your actions and ways. You failed to see my ignorance towards you when you stabbed me in the back. You failed to see my hate when you turned my friends against me. You failed to see who's the loser and who's the winner. You failed to see beyond yourself. You failed to see what's going on. Failure Rate: 100%. I saw. But I haven't spoke... yet. Each thing has its timing and still the time is not near for me to express my thoughts on your subject. Cause you are a subject. Not even a human being. Like all of you. Rotten inside. Pretty outside.

I know you are somewhere out there, suffocate from your own mistakes. I know that this decay is coming outside from time to time. I know that your logic is limited unlike mine. I know that you suffer from this feeling. Of not being able to apologize. Of not being able to speak. Of not being able to express. Of not being able to do anything. And that's the price.

Nevertheless you are still strong. Not as strong as you want or think to be. But strong. You cant touch me, my defenses are impenetrable. When you try to slid in from a tiny opening you see the wall falling down, go back and look around for another opening. But I am there. Waiting. To throw another thick wall of steel and concrete. To show you that I am not like the rest. To show you who I really am. But you fail to see that too. You fail to see that your life is like a stage of Super Mario. Walls falling, bridges are falling down in lava faster that you can run. You just get the power-ups, killing the minions but you are unable to survive into this hostile environment. And this hostility is not mine. You still haven't understood that. I move my hand only to help you but you didn't appreciate this. Because you didn't understand it. And that's the price you have to pay. Your ignorance.

I am standing there, ready. Ready to help or let you drown into this lake of tears. Your own lake of tears. Why do people think when they are alone? 'Cause they don't have any better thing to do. Find a better thing. Don't be alone. Let yourself feel one time, not lust and passion but love, friendship, joy, happiness, being part of the whole. You are blind. Can't see anything beyond your hate. And it's hate for yourself not me. I don't know what have you been through, I wish i knew. I really wish. I'd be able to help you understand your hate and make it creative, not destructive. But you're the one that has a loss out of this situation, not me. How long you'll be as strong as wall? Have you ever asked that to yourself? No. You really haven't and you don't know. Don't worry. You'll soon see that.

I've stated that some things are personal. You couldn't understand that either. You couldn't understand and you thought I'm hostile. You haven't seen what love is to understand this feeling. There seem to be a huge hole in you. In your mind, in your heart and in your soul. Or to express this better, your soul is shattered there are million of fragments here and there. Not split in two or three or more. Shattered. Completely destroyed and beyond any repair that can be made by humans. Only God can fix that. And He won't I assure you. He won't cause He wants your to try to be a better person. A better friend. A better companion.

I am wasting my time here speaking to you. But you cant hear me. And even you could you won't. Why? Why? Why? This question keeps my mind in such suffering. I can't understand you like you can't understand anything. You try to see beyond reality, but unfortunately there is nothing beyond reality. Nothing at all. See the world with your eyes for one time. To see how marvelous and magnificent the world is. Take a look at it and then go back in your metal shell. Stay there, pretending to be safe.

I want to tell you one thing, one last thing. You, in your shiny steel shell, thing you are protected by everything and everyone, while thinking that I am unprotected. Unfortunately my protection is far beyond human. Far beyond anyone could create. It's psychic. An invisible aura protecting me inside and outside. That's why I am who I am. That's the reason you can't touch me. That's the reason you can't understand me. "El guarda del alma" remember? Yeap that's me. I am the guardian of the soul. My own soul. I know how to protect it and how to repair it before it detonates, like yours.

And know one thing more. My soul is so unstable that sometimes even I wonder how I can keep it till now. Its extremely unstable. But the things that hurt me are the little things. The little details. Lie > Cheat remember? Because these are the things that matter. The small things.

Finally, If you want, go drown yourself into the lake of tears of blood you've created for yourself. If you want take my hand to get out of there. And if you want follow my advice. What the heck, you are a grown up. And if you challenge me to see and feel my wrath, I strongly advice you not to do it. Cause you start to do that. You don't know me, you can't imagine what I can do. Spreading destruction and suffering, death and decay, ruins and suffocation is what I am expert in. And if you dont want to see your soul whole and the very next moment shattered worse that it's now dont challenge me, dont even think about it. Because the one who can heal, can also bring plague.

So, what's it gonna be? My way? Or the highway? It high time for you to pick. And I'll be standing here, in the very same spot I am always to hear your response. If you meet the phone machine, it'll mean that you are too late. Because this is my ultimatum. And no-one can defy that.

I am off, time's running, remember this is an ultimatum. And ultimatums have an expiration date.

Human Relations Part 4: Addendum

This is an addendum to part 3. Which is needed.

When you know a person for kinda a decade now (give or take 1-2 years) its important to be able to tell what are his/her (^^) actions and what are they for.

Addendum to part 3 since its necessary (and some other people might not understand what the heck im talking for (at least those who know));

1. Being friends with a woman is not a great deal. To be able to keep this friendship for nearly a decade now is.


2. Drinking rules. M'kay?


3. Don't ever fuck (literally) a friendship.


4. Some things are inevitable


5. Its six in the morning and I am god damn tired

Next post coming. Stay tuned

Ξημερώνει...

Κοντεύει 7 και συνειδητοποιώ οτι δουλεύω σε λιγότερο απο 12 ωρες. Οτι έλιωσα όλο το βράδυ στο λάπτοπ βλέποντας 10η εντολή (γαμαει). Οτι ο καπνός τελικα σε βοηθάει να το ελατώσεις (ε ναι βαριέμαι ελλεινά να στρίψω). Οτι η ζωή μου είναι ένας δίσκος. Οτι ακούω το ιδιο τραγούδι νύχτα μέρα.

Λοιπόν, μισό, τσιγάρο ταίμ. Αει να στριψω το τελευταίο για σήμερα και νανι.

Οκ, κοντινιου. Επειδή σημερα, δεν ξερω πως, αποφάσισα να γράψω ελληνικα (χωρις τόνους και σωστη ορθογραφια ετσι γιατι μπορω), θα αναγκαστείτε να υποστείτε τα γκρίκλις.

Δεν μπορώ να πω πλεον καληνυχτα. Δεν μπορω να πω πολλα πραγματα. Δεν μπορω. Δεν γινεται. Αδυνατον. Αδυνατον και ομως αληθινο. Ειναι καποια πραγματα προγραμματισμενα ετσι. Γιατι; Γιατι μπηκε σε εφαρμογη ενα απο τα μεγιστα σχεδια μου.

Τα παιρεταιρω επι της οθονης.

Human Relations 3 / A Story

What I was saying? Ah, yes, yes... A story.

There is no need to introduce faces and stuff. Listen to this and take a lesson if you want. Because shit happens if you allow them.

Lately, I've been hanging around with a nice, and some could say beautiful, girl. Our relationship is just friendly, I am alone because I chose to (and loneliness for me this period is the best thing that exists), and she's commited (though the relationship is not so important).

We are mostly drinking coffee and hang around outside, walking and talking, about life and Human Relations. She has the same strange sense of humor I have and usually (if not always) laughs with my jokes.

Now, the funny part is that we had never gone out together for a drink, cause I didn't want to (plus my finances are totally low lately). The first (and last) time we did, was some time ago. Which didnt turn out well.

After drinking as much as we could (and I have stated that I've got to quit drinking), we went to eat something, and then I took her to her place. She asked me politely to follow her to her appartment but I refused. After a long discussion out on the street just in front of the entrance, still she couldn't understand why I didn't want to (follow her up).

Patience runs out. And I am not so patient when I am drunk && it's 4:00am && it's cold outside && i am sleeply (replace && with and :D). We went upstairs, sat there, she went to the bathroom 4-5 times and she asked me to sleep there cause she was affraid (of dying from drink?). Nevermind, I said, we are friends for some time now, there won't be a problem.

But there was. The same usual problem that always comes up.

1. Sex > Friendship?


2. And if yes why.


3. Does it worth it?


4. What about her affair?


5. And does that worth it?


6. What about ourselves (current relation)?

And some other "stupid" things like these I am thinking on crucial moments like this one.

Lust might overcome us, but Logic must overcome Lust to avoid greater problems.

The rest of the story is irrelevant. But surely taught me a lesson. Breaking a good friendship for a good reason is good. Destroying a good friendship because of an one night stand is an act of an idiot.

- Icy's out, have a nice night and dont have sex with your friends!

Lost

I am lost. I haven't posted at all lately, it's been like a month now. As I always said, I've got better things to do. Sometimes they are too time consuming.

Lately I

• have been an active member of CyberArmy, redesigning the messaging system there and working on minor patches (as a coder)


• have focused on my school and friends


• am getting pissed on many people, though I am trying not to


• have been an avid reader (reading interesting programming stuff)


• have seen.


• have been reading the Revelation frequently


• understood who is the Rider on the White Horse (Revelation 6:2)


• understood that spamming "2012" in IRC, makes you kicked/banned as a Doomsayer


• have quit WoW


• am playing l2 from time to time


• am a member of MySpace/Hi5/Facebook


• am not using MSN as much as I used to


• believe that CAIRC is the best place to hang around


• am trying to be a linux user


• am learning perl


• will survive

I think that would be all. No smart-ass things for today, Cya all

-Icy's out.

Human Relations (the second part)

Today we are going to talk about Human Relations (and why the fuck she denied to come out with me for a damn drink, while she's been literally beggin' "beggin' meee..." the whole week to go out for a drink).

Nevermind fuck it, I am too tired to continue and too tired to talk about molten snowflakes. To hell with it, it seems that I cant understand a shit about human relations. It's better that way. My way. The highway...

Icy's out, snowflakes will always be falling...

Hallucinations

Another dream turned out to be a nightmare. Not so terrifying but so predictable, so boring, so already-known.

I remember walking that path for a thousandth time, watching the same situations, seeing familiar faces and walking through the shadows of time. I remember standing here telling you that we've got to talk. I remember drinking alone in a bar, staring at null, at the emptiness of the world and the lack of emotions. People dont change. You wont. I wont.

We stay the same for the rest of our lives, saying that we've changed, that we are more mature. Crap. This is just a hallucination. You have molten, my dear snowflake and, I am alone once more. I know it, you cant stand it.

I knew it all over from the beginning, from the first time I saw you falling down the grey sky to the white earth. I saw you among a trillion other snowflakes, your style and your unique pattern into the chaos and the infinity. I saw you and distinguished you. You fall next to me, we started talking, we've became friends and stayed there. But you started melting and I felt that, unfortunately I didn't tell you anything. I couldnt. I wouldnt anyway. I feel a strange aura of guild and my consciousness walking away from me. I fell hypnotized. I feel... The only thing I still can do. Fell.

And as I decay, demons are spawning around me. The demons from my past. The demons from my possible future. All around me, staring at me but they cant hurt me. They cant. I am stronger. I am faster. I am brighter. I am alive. I can feel. I still can feel.

There seem to be a great hole in me. In my soul, in my emotions, in my mind, in my thinking, in anything that surrounds me. In everything and in this damn rotten and grey world. I hate that calm feeling. I hate the that feeling of total silence. I feel like being in a situation before the storm. The darkest hour of the day they say it the very one, just before the dawn. I am there, and I am waiting for the dawn. I am waiting. But I don't know for how much more.

I dont know if I can survive this. I dont know if I can survive life. I dont know if I have any more patience. I dont know. I simply stay here. From the one day to the other. We'll see. There are many virtues. I am full of them. But I am human after all.

Farewell.
- Icy

Blood Pact

Death and decay walk the path of lie
it seems my life is full of lies
lies agony hate and despair
since t minus one i had a personal affair
it was official now my words are clear as crystal
my voice sampled high my thoughts are lethal
my pain is real your state is critical
another lonely night talking all about your issues

issues you had as a hunan in this world
issues you had i was helping it was wrong
issues we disscused endless evenigns and nights
issues i never solved and it feels its too much
issues that are issues more than issues and some issues
thinner that tissues fatter than jesus
redlines pinpointd from a point to the other
my mind is messed up confused and uncovered
your mind is clean, your psyche is twisted
i am off, i am tired go away fucking bitches
we had a deal that cant break nor will break
never will be broken, blood pact is the same
eternal, strong and undiscovered.

You know what?
What man?

Blending issues with tissues, jesus with issues, mixing up the world the words and weeezus. Speaking the truth with fiery words and as vinnie said the war is now old.

Addendum: I am Icydemon, the Guardian of Souls, the One and Only, walking my path though it is kinda rough. I dont know that the future will bring to my steps. But I know one thing. That I'll be alone, from here to eternity.

Honey, I'm home...

Since today Im not in a mood, and i am approximately 38 hours awake and still standing, I wont say much. I miss my snowflake, she hasnt called today and I start to wonder if she's ok. I think to quit my job and quit life in general and at last i got the God Damn Epic Flying Skill on my warlock.

"Honey I'm Home, can you bring me a cup of coffee?", doesn't it seem beautiful?

Well it is.

Life is beautiful. And soon she's gonna be mine.
Icy's going for (sleep) rest. Cya all another time. At least I hope.

Death Coil

Today's text is a little more random and "as is" that it should be. I do not care if you understand it. I do not care if you see what the hell it means. It's just a Death Coil...

We refer to "Death Coil" but what the heck it is? The spiral of death is the movement done by a shot-down aircraft. We refer to death coil, since coil is a synonym to spiral.

To understand this better I suggest you read the wikipedia article on Spiral Dive. Sometimes the pilot is unable to recover. Then we have the Death Spiral, otherwise known as a death coil.

Death Coil. I fall in one. I am falling. Free Falling. Yet i am here. Still here. I am a human after all. I fall in coils and i feel imminent death. Death, death...

Death is upon me. I know it. I feel it coming. I wont subdue. I will stand on my feet facing it. I know it. My death is imminent.

Short pause to interrupt an imminent restart of my computer by Automatic Updates (one reason i <3 linux nowadays). I am a bit out of my mind don't worry I am ok, or as much as ok one can be.

My eyes burn. I am feeling. I am alive. I regret. I feel pain. I feel fear. I fear fear. Fear is my worst enemy and loneliness my best friend. I suffocate. I fall into a death coil, I am unable to recover, to get out of it, to bring myself into a straight course, to fly.

I am falling. Free Falling. People are drifting away. I drift away from them, I don't know. I cant see the difference. Everything is red. Like blood. And black. Like death. I fear fear. Tears are dripping. They are falling down on the floor like acid rain. Like impeding death. Like my suffocation has fucked up humanity and everyone is against me.

I dont know. I love. I fear. I die. And I am reborn. Rebirth cant save me, I have used it up. I am alone. This cant change. Icydemon, the one and only.

Death fears death and fear, and fear fears death. I am frozen and off to sleep. I dont know if I'll wake up. I know that I'll perish here. In a god damn frozen world.

But still I have my frozen snowflake to think. If she'll stand by me, I'll fight back. Otherwise, I'll feel hypothermia. And die from It.

Icy's out. God damn world is fucked up. I hope you die fuckers. I dont care about you.

I wish you the worst and most painful death. To learn how you should live. To learn that there is no second chance. To learn about the day of judgement. And I'll be there to watch you suffocate as you are watching me suffocate now. Die fuckers, you deserve it. And I deserve it too for my sinful thoughts. Maybe God is out there, I dont know.

The only thing I know is the Only Song I know. And it is sad and moaning as my life is. I hope you heard it. I am running with 200 down on the wrong lane. I dont care if I wont wake up. I just care about her.

My snowflake....

Godspeed, you will be missed

Free falling...

I am falling... free falling... From nothing to nowhere.

I don't know what's happening. I have this strange feeling.

Fear is it what you call it? Yes, fear, yes...

Some things take a very steep turn towards inevitable and the end is already known. On the other hand, I want to let them sleep as they do now, I won't tell anything to anybody. And may the wisest see behind the words and decrypt the secrets of universe.

We are doomed. You are doomed. I do not exist.

These stone tears are falling down on me, all my regrets.
Lacuna Coil - Circle

- Icy's out. Gonna see how the heck I'm supposed to save the day (again), while free falling

People are drifting away

I dont know what the heck is going on. I just dont know. I try to figure it out. To realize reality. To evolve. To live. I cant do it. I suffocate...

Why everyone is leaving? Why people are drifting away?
Why do I let them?

In my dreams...

There seems to be, this huge hole in me. They carved my soul with a razor, mutliple times, now it is beyond any repair. I am not angry. I am not like them. I just feel pity for they haven't yet realized the damage they did to their souls. I dont care about me. I care about the rest. And that's what makes me HUMAN.

Human, yes, human. Not another snowflake, restless, living to see another day. Living without any feeling, any sentiment, any life.
Living as dead, as walking zombies though a burned earth.
Sucking the planet's life, who's suffocating. It needs some air. No more carbon dioxide. No nitrides and no more ozon.

Don't give him any more CFCs. He can't live like that.

But as you wish. Do what you have to do. You have to pollute. You have to kill. You have to be a Virus. The Nature Immunodeficiency Syndrome.

You havent realised yet that by killing the planet you are directly killing not only yourselves, but your kids too.

Give them a wasted planet. And for sure they will say "Ah my father deforested this area I am proud of him. Now I cant breathe but I dont care. I am still proud".

You think you are smart? Dont think you are. Know you are stupid.

Chemicals. Radiation. Toxic Waste. Pollution. Radiowaves. Pain. Suffocation. Death.

These are some words that can practically tell us what the fuck we're doing to ourselves. Cause you know what?

Our planet will live for another 4,5 billion years approximately. Our descendants will not be here to see the explosion of the sun. Why? Cause we are killing them by now.

Evolve or Suffocate.
That's the only thing I can tell you.

I am off.

Godspeed world, you will need it. I'll just sit here, praying for your sins towards humanity. After all you are only snowflakes. As smart and as dead as they are.

Human Relationships: Part One

I am dead tired. Haven't slept for like 2-3 days now, except like 1 hour this morning (sleeping on the keyboard rules), and kinda 2 hours at school. I saw my snowflake again. I think she likes me. I dont know.

I am going to sleep. more on human relationships, philosophy etc, tommorow (or later tonight if i manage to sleep enough)

Icy's going to bed...

I think I found my snowflake.

Yeap, that's right. I think I found my snowflake yesterday (or the day before yesterday?), nevermind, yesterday.

I am not sure, and since I am still human I might be mistaken.

I am writting from my laptop tonight, since I am dead tired and wanted to lie my tired body on the sofa to get some rest. I have my last smoke (out of Luckies again) on my mouth, waiting to end today's post to light it up, smoke it and sleep peacefully.

There seemed to be, that hole in me.
It is covered now.
I think.
And as I already said, I am only one mere human, I can't predict the future.

It seems that I've found the one and only snowflake that could be with me. Yet I am not sure.
It seems that my long loneliness will fade away.
It seems that she's real. I dont know.
Is she real?
Or just another psychotic hallucination, generated by my mind to trick me and fool me into not feeling alone?

It seems that i'll light up that smoke faster that i anticipated. But nevermind. be right back, i'm gonna get an ashtray...

Since its my last one, I want not to waste it while writting. Lucky Strike. American Original as the packet says...

Back from my short break.

The queen of pain, is no longer with us. She chose her way, we chose ours. Nevertheless me and myself bid her farewell and the best of luck. She is real. But she does not understand it. Unfortunately we cant help her. /salute

There are some other people that tend to be annoying. The only thing they deserve is death and decay. And its coming. As I have already stated, someone is gonna get hurt tonight.

The other dudes are sleeping. Its a bit late, yes it is. But this ain't a problem.

And i just wonder, what is my snowflake doing at the moment. Probably sleeping. Dreaming. Travelling...

Snowflakes, it seems, are made for each other

Suicide

"Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate... leads to the Dark Side"

No. Hate leads to self-destruction.

- Who is it?
No response.
- Who is it?
No response. Just the same knock on the door.
- Who the hell is out there?
- Guess.
- Hmm...
And then...

The constant beep till they kill the power on the life support machines.

The only thing that keeps me alive, is the death agony I feel from time to time. I have this feeling of imminent death. And since I fear death, thus I fear the unknown, I strive to live.

Then, I reach the limits. And sometimes I pass them.

Its... hmm... how to express this? I could say that it is the true meaning of survival. Pass the limits but stay alive. Then you are truly alive.

I know. Nobody can understand the shit I wrote. But those who try to understand shall be rewarded not by me. But by themselves.

Understanding is a word with meaning. Unlike Love (in most occasions, exceptions occur and fortunately we can catch them with a simple try-catch structure).

Nowadays love is sold with discount and credit cards. Yeap. Just like this.

I've stated this before and I will once again. This is nothing more than my Requiem. My Requiem for a Scream.

You know. We are human after all. And we all have feelings right? (no but don't mind, we'll analyze this another day). We all feel anger, hate, love, pain, sadness and happiness. We feel.
And when those emotions are inside us in such a degree that we laugh, we scream, we cry...

Once upon a time, would be the best beginning to continue this. It is. But I won't start like that. The fairytale turned into something between your worst nightmare and a horror movie.

But it does not matter. Now. Never. Ever.

Extreme situations require extreme solutions plus extreme thinking and extreme actions.

Plan your next move. Cause you might need the extra thinking when I will do mine. I lost the war. I lost the battles. But you know what? I intended on losing this one. To expose your weakness. And I did it. I know where you hurt. Next time I won't be so gentle. The hit will come unexpected. And shall shatter your soul in pieces.

Abandon all hope you who enter here...

I was kinda drunk one night (not kinda, I was as drunk as one could be), I was with a friend of mine. The conversation was kinda like:
- Hey Icy, lets go to my place
- Wtf, no, I've got to eat something, i'm not good
- Nah, i can cook you up something there
- No, i'll take you home, then I'll walk home, i'm drunk...
- No...

I have one bad thing. When I am drunk I want to sleep peacefully. We left the club and walked a bit, I didnt know where the heck we are. Suddenly while walking towards my place, we stopped, she put her keys out opened a door and grabbed my hand. We went in...

- Sit on the bed
- Nope.
- C'mon Icy, sit there, im gonna make some drinks...
- No, i am leaving ffs
- Sit on the damn bed.

I lied on the bed. And fall asleep instantly. I heard a voice in my ear...

- Do you want me to seduce you?

I couldnt even respond. I was dead tired. Some shit happened. I felt cold. I couldnt open my eyes. But I could feel...

- Do you like it, icy?

At a point I was damn pissed with this kind of behavior, sleep is god damn holy. Dont interrupt me. I woke up. I was naked. She was naked on top of me...

- What the fuck are you doing?
- I wanted to seduce you
- Why?
- No reason. I just wanted to.
- Ah, I see

She stepped down. Lied next to me. Spread her legs open. And waited.
I can't say, at that point I would have done it. Betraying myself, my ideals and my beliefs. Cause after all, I am a human. I prefer to the "make love" mode rather than the "screw the bitch" mode. And when I was ready to start the "make love" mode i heard

- C'mon, you are the man do your job.

Aha. My job. So it's like, meat in, meat out. No thanks, not for me. I am a human, but I have feelings.

- Good night sweety.

My last words. I got off the bed, put my clothes back and left banging the door.

And as my good friend said "If i want it to be warm and wet, i just have to spit on my hand..."

Love is sold nowadays (we said, exceptions still exist).

No thanks, I don't want to buy any.

- Icydemon is out. Seeking for the snowflake...

*** Addendum ***

I know, I know I am a fucking psycho. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't talk for myself like that.

But I have some beliefs and some ideals. Noone is going to screw with them.
I just want to live my way. Not the highway...

One Frozen Feeling.

The world seems a frozen place
Cold is around us always
I'm trying to find a solution
Hell no, I just abandon and leave

There's only one thing left in my dream
Only one frozen feeling inside me
There's only one thing left in my dream
One frozen feeling inside me

The world became icy and blue
After all it resembles to you
And still I feel so far away
I walk, fall, stand up and then leave

There's only one thing left in my dream
Only one frozen feeling inside me
There's only one thing left in my dream
One frozen feeling inside me

Darkness became grey and white
Snowflakes fell from a red sky
Stars dissapeared suddenly
You also look frozen in my dreams

The only place there is silence
The back of my head when you're not here
You only know what's left inside me
I only know when you are real.

Only one thing left in my dreams
Only one frozen feeling inside me
There's only one thing left inside me
One frozen feeling in my dreams

"I've got this feeling..."

Nothing is enough.

And this time I mean it literally. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

We constantly need more. And more. And more.

But who are we to decide what's enough and what not? I don't want to tell you. You have to figure it out for yourselves.

Something's coming my way. And it's destructive.
Something's coming your way. And it's devatstative.

What it might be?
Heck, I dont know. If I knew I would be God, wouldn't I?

But I just know it. I have this feeling. Somebody is gonna get hurt. And its neither me nor you. Nor anyone else I know. I dont know. I may be just another random crazy dude speaking nonsense.
But on the other hand I might know the truth.

Wanna hear it? I fuckin' know the truth. And hell, I am not gonna tell you a thing. Sit and watch. It will be fun.

A Dark Green Glow...

I just arrived home. Turned on my laptop. Chatted for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. But I still see...

There seems to be, a hole in me. I have already identified. But I am unable to patch it. Funny isn't it? A programmer that cannot patch a hole...

Remember... Remember... What shall I forget...

It seems like yesterday my parents bought my first computer. I was kinda 7 back then and very interested in computers... Many years passed and now I own my computers bought with my very own money.

I learned thinking in binary before even I learn to think. I learned to solve great problems before I learn the pythagorean theorem. I suceeded in creating, but my life was full of destruction.

My life...
No it is not personal. Its not about me. Its about all of us.

A computer program could work like: Find one person that has absolutely no problems.

A problem that needs a solution and that solution would find people with no problems. Confusing words. Infinite possibilites.

I am Icydemon. Or as I sometimes refer to my self, One Frozen Mind.
I tried to teach people programming. And in that I succeeded.
I tried to teach people, life. And in that i totally failed.

Our world is just one part of infinite world that exist out there. Infinite parallel universes. A simple JMP/JNE instruction in a very simple program in a very simple computer has its own two parallel universes. And that is due to the programmer.

Each moment, our choices split the universes in two. A simple error in programmer's logic, due to tireness, due to misunderstanding, due to anything.

When it all began, about 14 billions years ago the mass had two choices. Blow up or not.
It blew up, and then 2 universes created. One that all mass stand still and time had not started for it. And one that ended up in today's world and me writting nonsense in my laptop

Each particle movement, each collision and in gereral each action in this world splits the current universe in two. One containing the action. And one not.

Since we began with one the number is raised in this style:
1, 2, 6, 18, 54...

Resulting to: f(x) = (x*(2/3))*2, where x is the number of Current Existing Universes.

The problem is that today, after about 14 point something billion years there were so many actions in so many universes that their number is just Infinite.

My other problem is that space and time for them is completely different from ours. Out there out of the Infinity maybe there are some Icydemons that are blogging, or sleeping or even lie down in a dark cemetery as we speak.

Therefore we have lived and we will live, maybe for ever since the time flow might be different from ours.

Another thing is that then we have to think our world as not 4D but 5D to define a point somewhere that will look like this (for a point p):
p(x,y,z,t,u) where x,y,z are the coordinates in space, t is the exact time and u the exact universe.

Notice. I said to find a point p.

To go to a point p you should have to travel throughout time and universes. Which is kinda impossible with today's knowledge

Ah my beloved Infinity. It exists. And will not cease to exist. Like snowflakes. The melt, and still they come back as snowflakes, infinite, till the end of time.

Its time for you to sleep... (A requiem for my scream)

Let us get a little bit out of the ordinary.

This blog was started to express my random thought and concerns about everything and nothing at the same time.

The title is not irrelevant. But you have to come into my realm to understand what the heck I am writing and wtf these could mean, not only to me but also to you.

101001010100101010111100101010101010100101010010010010101001 Let there be light.

What is the colour of a snowflake?
It is white? Is it cyan? Is it blue?
Who knows?

They dont understand me.
They dont care.
And in fact, I dont even care.
But you know what? A snowflake is not always a snowflake.

Someone could logically ask what the f*ck is going on with those DAMN snowflakes?!?! (right?)
Allow me to introduce you... Snowflake.

As two snowflakes will never be identical, two humans are never identical. Either it is their fingerprints, their eyes, their DNA, or whatever you want there will never be two identical persons (Cloning?).

Clone me dude and you are gonna feel my wrath. My rage. My anger. Your Fear. Your worst enemies. Our crusade. Our Dreams. Your Nightmares. Infinity.

Even cloned we don't share the same soul. We dont share the same feelings. We dont share the same and very identical memories and experiences.

Time is not manipulateable (or wtf I'm not good at spelling).

A Requiem For My Screams:
I am a grown up, having my own bad experiences, and memories like every other one. The only difference is that they dont pay a dime. And they will pay for their ignorance and atrocity. Time will tell when. And only time will tell how.

Anger is the worst advisor. Follow him and you will get lost. Ask him for advice and you will drown yourself in your own pool of tears.

There is only one dude that can judge. You know for whom I am talking. Yep, that's right.

My anger will never prevail. My fears might have turned into nightmares in reality and my vision will always come true but I can't do much about it. Only wait and see. Time is the only one that can tell better than me.

On another subject and not so gerneral I can say that the only dangerous person is not the one feeling anger. Nor the one feeling hate. Nor even the one who is not control of his own actions. We both know who is the most dangerous person out there. The one in love.

A story about snowflakes:
Once upon a time there were two snowflakes. Formed togeather in a cloud above a dark country in the north. A dark and cold country where snow was not a common sight (since to snow the temperature needs to be approximately 0).

These two snowflakes, met one another, on their way down to earth. They fall in love. And they continued their journed down to earth togeather.

They fall one next to the other into a dark, cold alley of a dark and strange town. They had planned to stay togeather until they melt togeather.

A drunk man went out of a bar, fall into the snow and stayed there the whole night. The other morning was found there, dead. Cause of death: Pneumonia.

The two snowflakes stood there the whole night, watching the struggle of the man to keep himself alive, it wasn't long before the cold of the night killed him slowly.

Time has passed and its nearly spring. Snow is melting. And somewhen there the two snowflakes of our story melt into the very same stream of water that finally reached the great ocean (choose between Pacific and Atlantic).

What do I mean? We simply do not care about what happens around us. We dont look. We dont see. We dont feel.

And as this continues to happen we are rotting from the inside.

Humans it seems start to have holes in them (not in their bodies but in their souls).

- Icy, the Frozen Mind, is out, going to meet his own snowflake...

They say: Don't Trust...

In reality I am the one saying: Do Never Ever Trust.

Trust exists for each of us in only one or perhaps (in the best case) two people. The rest are just plain idiotic human thoughts about trust, friendship and whatever.

There are much I'd like to write now. Unfortunatelly I don't have either the courage or the time to do so. To explain why the above statement is so true.

A snowflake trusts another snowflake. They both end up in a dark alley. Melting away from each other. But each one of them knows the other one's secrets. And they continue to exist there, melting, until they forge into the same stream of cold water...

Freeze - Froze - Frozen (It is cold out there)

"This snowflake is tapped so I must be brief. They've got to you first but they underestimated your importance. If they knew what I know, you would be frozen now..."

"Right now there is only one rule: My snowflake or the snowmobile..."

"How is he? Ten hours straight... He's a avalance..."

"I know you are out there... I can feel the cold around you. I know that you are afraid. You are afraid of the cold. You are afraid of the snowflakes. I dont know the future. I didnt come here to tell you how this is gonna end. I came to tell you how it's going to begin..."

Infinite snowflakes around us? But who notices? Nobody
Except from the fact that each one of them looks into a mirror, unable to understand that melts as time passes...

Choose your destiny (a.k.a. Java it in the PHP way)

The title is a bit confusing. What does "Java it in the PHP way" could mean?

It means that i love challenges. And some days ago I came across a difficult one.

Without saying much, it simply wanted to break an encryption algorithm (to exploit it) and find the result of something (all of it is irrelevant).

Since i had quit Java for kinda 7-8 years now, I coded it in java, in a PHP way though.

Since im used up in PHP to create a core for a site and write functions and functions all the time I did the same thing in Java. Which went pretty good i could say.

The only difference:
function someRandomFunction($arg, $arg2) {} versus
public String someRandomFunction(int arg, String arg2) {}

I remembered Java (amagaad!), not much things but the basics.

Next Project: Java Scientific Calculator for my RAZR Moto (to do the uber calculations in Computer Architecture Subject at my "school")

-Icy is out

Then I saw you again.

typing all the nonsense all the things one cant learn easily

and wtf is that String sAction = request.getParameter(); you asked?

why you use if(sAction.equals("addnew")){
instead of if(sAction=="addnew") {

Why why why?

You got potential kid. But you dont want to take advantage of it. I dont care.
She didn't care. There is no care.
Who cares?
Nobody
Why?
How the hell should I know.
Know that your thingie is ready waiting for you.
All I am offering is knowledge no more, no less.
Knowledge though is not power.
I dont want ANYTHING for return. Nothing at all.
But you can understand it.
Because after all you are human. And humans do never Understand.

- icydemon is out. need some sleep

byte[] b; b[i] = ((byte) (snowflakes[i].toByte()));
damn java code...

A captive of these eyes...

I am a captive of these eyes, they are sucking me in, they are taking control.

For sure im not so dumb to believe that. Nor to think that there are people out there that can feel that.

Not much these days apart from work, work and what then? Work again...

After all a little bit of Clarity is very good both for my tired mind and for your tired ears.

After all this is my swan song. My requiem for a scream. My dreams that fall apart. And came back not to haunt me but to give me strength to continue.

Someone is a captive of these eyes. These icy blue, nearly white eyes, someone who does know the situation.

In silence i seek, the frozen realm. Something that is coming and it is inevitable.

- Icy

"Now" does not exist

Someone said a long time ago that the world is now, implying that it is defined by the very moments we live. Unfortunately "now" does not exist, hence in double quotes. Its only a word that allow us to explain time in a better way, to give it a beginning and an end.

Assuming that we want to know why there is not "now":
First of all we assume that time and space are continuous. Meaning that there are no holes or gaps both in time and in space.

A) Space: Space is easily proven that is continuous. There are no gaps (or else amazing things would happen). Since everything in this world is composed of tiny bits of mass (the tiniest you can imagine), space is continuous.
B) Time: Time is continuous but i have to give you an example to understand it.

Big bang happened at t=0 (the beginning of time for us) the number t keeps running and it is not quantized (meaning that can take every value that belong in the group [0,+oo))

Whenever we try to focus on a very moment we cant, since it is already gone into the past and future has come to leave and so on. Like me, typing at the moment, oops its already some seconds that i typed the word "typing" (and if we get in depth, many many ns that my cpu interpreted the t key on the keyboard and after a series of events showed up on my screen).

From the moment i pressed the T button on my keyboard to the moment i saw T on my screen time has moved on and with it i moved on too. Do not try to realize it as usual, those times are too tiny to be understood by us. But then again, why am I writing this piece if i dont want to be understood?

Lets say that I started typing at 00:56 and now it is kinda 01:12. I am writting my blog ("now" i could add) but in reality: i've been writing my blog since 00:56 and will continue to write it until a certain point in the future.

As much as we try to focus on time, our focus will never be enough to get a very moment. It is not like watching a DVD and just pause the movie to check something. Plus you cant rewind this one or fast forward it.

It seems that we are living in a movie that cannot be paused, rewind or be sped up.

No matter how we try to quantize time and specify a particular moment, know that always, always there are smaller moments inside and so on.

Time is limitless it seems, and as much as a i'd like to lim it, I cant nor anyone else can (at the moment of writing of course. Pause the movie dude, i like this very moment).

The world is past and future. It will never be "now".

-Icy

Developing the aspects of your psyche...

...just one snowflake at a time.

Hey, after all, I am nothing but a single frozen mind. No one, and yet everyone.

Now that I am writting this, the time is 03:21 AM. Get the numbers (0321), SHL it by 8 bits and you get 3210. He, he, he, 3...2...1...0

They say that my cause is mental, that I am doing this for my mind is no longer operating properly.
They say that my cause is a means to destroy, not to create.
They say that I am a psycho.

But I ain't. You are the one who chooses to believe me or them.

I write these stuff encoded in a way to see if there is anyone out there, able to comprehend their meaning. Upgrade yourselves, you are going to need it...

Sensya, and a green world.
I could say that Sensya is my mental child. It is growing up in my mind, with added features and bugs. Because whatever is a bug, may be a feature.

To explain it properly I could say that Sensya is a project that has come into life about 4 years ago. It started a simple game idea but soon it developed into a system that could do some stuff. In reality it is a program that takes advantage of Artificial Intelligence not to perform certain actions but to learn how to perform them. It sounds crazy? Keep reading then...

Sensya is a word play (Sense and Say) and since sometimes i write sya instead of say (remember the brain is much faster than hands and eyes, in most human beings) thus it came Sensya. The idea of Sensya came up into late 2003 - early 2004, honestly I don't remember the exact date and at that point, it would be the game engine in a hacker's game. The world was revolved around the biggest A.I. Mainframe in the world.

Rather in late 2007 it evolved into a program that could learn how to think and perform certain actions. In theory all is well, but in act... it goes way deeper.

Developing the psyche
When I began designing and developing Sensya, I realized that there could be some problems in learning. For example I had to make her learn how to add numbers (simple additions) and then make her able to use her findings to add numbers. There was a problem though...
She didn't know what a number is!

So I stumbled against the rules I set up. She had to learn what numbers are, and before that she had to learn to count, and before that... and before that... and before that...

Developing each aspect of the psyche
At a point i reached the state where she had to learn the absolutely essentials. Like printing on the screen. Got confused? Heh, probably I forgot to mention one tiny thing. Sensya should be able not only to learn and adapt her findings but also to be able to evolve herself.

Which means that given the essentials and something to learn (example is addition) she should recompile Sensya version 0.0.1 which will retain all of her previous "memories" and "knowledge" but also she would able to add two numbers for me.

Humans, it seems, have a dose of God in themselves.

Developing each aspect of her psyche, one snowflake at a time
Believe me when I say that it is way more difficult that it sounds (or reads to be more exact ^^). It not just "Give her some rules to follow". Its way more complicated. Now imagine a little kid, aged 4. You are teaching it to count from one to ten (since we, humans, have got only 10 fingers). You will probably use the technique "Learn to count your fingers".

Now the computers got a simple problem. They cant count up to ten for themselves. They can only recognize one and zero (binary numeric system). So when it comes to 1+1 we have...

• 1+1 = 2 for humans
• 1+1 = 10 for computers

Since we humans count like 5+6 equals to 5+1+1+1+1+1+1 = 5+5+1=10+1 = OMG I got out of fingers, count from the beginning and keep ten out = 0+1 = 1 plus 10 i kept out equals 11

For a computer an addition of 5+6 (or to be precise 101 and 110) would be like:

1. 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 = ??
2. 1+1 = 10, i got out of tens, go from the beginning
3. 0+1=1, 1+10 = 11
4. 11+1 =??, count another decade and back from the beginning
5. Hmm, cant count another decade, count 100 and from the beginning...
6. ...
7. 101+110 = 1011 (after doing this thing for some times)

It is as hard as it sounds (but it dont seem that hard, we do it mechanically, both us and computers),

Now. 1011 for a human is:
1x10^3 + 0x10^2 + 1x10^1 + 1x10^0
For a computer is:
1x2^3 + 0x2^2 + 0x2^1 + 1x2^0

Conversions and stuff are far too boring to continue on Decimal versus Binary, interesting but boring.

Lets make a resume now: First of all we have got to teach it how to count. Then we have to teach it the basics of arithmetic and the most basic is: Addition.

The rest of mathematics are depended on Addition. Even the most difficult and complex are based on simple additions. Break them up, simplify them and add.

Divide and conquer after all is a proven to work tactic.

Unanswered Questions...
I always got unanswered questions and most people were not able to explain them to me. Why the heck I cannot divide any number with zero? At a point I learned that:

lim(1/x), x->0 = ?? (cant draw that here :S)

Why? Because when x reaches 0 and x<0>0 then our result is moving fast to infinity (+oo).

Since +oo and -oo are the edges of R and... and... and. My point is that some stuff are made in such a way they are considered bugs. Nope, its not a bug it is a feature. You cant divide something with zero DOT.

When a computer (in hardware level) tries to execute a DIV instruction and the form is kinda x/0, it raises an exception (Division by Zero). Since infinity is not something that could be stored in a completed circuit for many reasons, it just tells us: Hey dude, this cant be done.

A completed circuit that can store 64 bits for example, can store a number as big as 2^64-1 (calculating, please wait...18.446.744.073.709.551.615 in human numbers otherwise 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 in computer numbers (yes there are 64 times the number one in the above line ^^)).

Reason one: Infinity is way bigger than 2^64-1
Reason two: Infinity is undefined (no matter how we keep on counting, we will never reach infinity, for it has no limit).

God, how stupid computers are. No matter how they can give you 3D animated graphics (4D assuming my theories), they cant understand anything beyond zero and one. Its not a bug, it is a feature.

Humans are a little bit more clever. They can count up to ten. They can think. They can do many stuff. But most important is that they...

She will never have feelings
...feel. That is correct. They can be coded in such a way they will be able to learn, think and even reproduce in a way more acceptable by biology (evolution and stuff). Each one will have his unique fingerprint. A hash. But they will not be able to feel.

On this point I will stop for a moment analyzing my statement: Computers will never have feelings.

Sincerely I dont give a dime for the definition of the word "feel". I can think (with my human logic) that:

"I am in love, I can feel it in the world, I can feel it in me. I see everything from a different point of view, as if world has instantly transformed into a better place. When I see her I feel my heart beating faster than usual and also I feel the heat. When I am with her I feel secure. When we are together I feel like we are one single person. When we part, I feel a piece of soul ripped away. And all that every passing day.
Love fueled me for a long time and when I got betrayed another feeling took its place. Hate..."

Unfortunately i cannot write about hate, i talk very harsh sometimes and i dont want to get out of our subject.

Love, Hate, Security, Serenity, Clarity, Fear, Anger, and a ton more, are feelings. In reality there are chemical substances mixed up in the brain that makes us feel what we feel. When those substances are mixed up, our brain performs certain actions which are transfered to the body via electrical signals (wee i am not very good with that stuff, i am a programmer after all, but surely its the very essentials)

When in love, when my heart beats faster I know that my brain instructed her to beat faster = better blood circulation = raise of body temperature = a lot of other stuff.

An chemical reaction and an electrical signal (ok might be more) altered both my body actions and my prespective.

Can a computer reach this?
The answer is Infinity, as undefined and unknown infinity is, so undefined and unknown is the answer to this question...

That would be all,
-Icy